Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
