dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
