it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
worst night to have a conscience
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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