we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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