I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Randomize
