Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Randomize
