she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
