so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
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