I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Randomize
