3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
