i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
