so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
