I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize