I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Randomize
