Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
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Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
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It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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