he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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