Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Randomize
