wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
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I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
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Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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