Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
