She is in my trunk
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
