ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
