maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
