if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Randomize
