I met the friendliest cop last night
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize