He told me they were just razor bumps!
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
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