The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
