I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Who put my cat in the fridge?
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
