Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
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