I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Can you bring me the toilet please
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Randomize
