Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Randomize
