I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
