:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Randomize
