i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
