I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
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I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
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