Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
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