More tranny stories later!
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
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