So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
