i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Come see our sink grown plant.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
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