Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
