:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
