Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
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He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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