I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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