"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
