oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
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