And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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