Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
He passed out mid-signature
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
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