Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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