I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Randomize
