dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
