masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
