I wish my penis had an off switch
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Everyone says I win the strip club
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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