a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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