i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
