You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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