Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
