I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
