sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
Randomize
