Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
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