oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
