I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
