Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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