rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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