On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
