Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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