i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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