Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
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