this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
