I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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