yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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