is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
