sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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