why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
